The “honeymoon stage” as many like to call it is the first 6 months to sometimes even a year of being in a new relationship with someone. During those first months together, everything is new and exciting. You are still learning about the person you are with and they are still learning about you. They don’t know how you “tick” quite yet. So everything is fun and exciting. But what happens after that 1 year anniversary clock goes off?
Now you know more about your partner, which is GREAT because you get to truly understand their thoughts and needs. You know their hobbies, qualities and flaws. But this is when a lot of relationships start to sink. This stage (1 year on) is when you should start putting a lot more effort into the relationship to keep it spontaneous, fun and exciting. The “honeymoon stage” doesn’t have to end. This can now be a new beginning of exploring more things together. But for some reason, in this stage people start getting lazy and feel like they don’t need to put in work. This is when you can fall into the trap of feeling “too comfortable” in the relationship you are in. “Oh, he/she loves me. I don’t need to work out as much anymore,” “He has seen me naked a million times, why buy new lingerie,” “She won’t care if I stop surprising her with flowers, she knows how I feel,” “She won’t mind if I take her out looking like a bum, I don’t feel like dressing up or doing my hair tonight.”
See, people tend to think that love comes naturally and shouldn’t take much effort or work. It should be easy and effortless. But nothing good comes easy. You have to keep working at it to make it better and better. The spark will not stay alive if you let it fade off.
I am no expert in love & relationships, and by no means know where mine will lead (although, I hope it stays as great as it is). But I do know the importance of showing you care by any act whether small or big. I know the importance of trying new things together for the first time, and helping the other person meet their goals whether by supporting them or doing it with them. It’s important to let the person be who they are. And for you to be who you are. Just because you are with someone, it doesn’t mean you don’t have individual interests anymore and it’s not wrong to have your own interests, and your own time.
Keep the spark alive by always being aware of the value you bring to the relationship (if you don’t think you are bringing any, you are not putting much effort into the relationship). But also make sure you are not the only one bringing value to it. If the other person isn’t doing much, chances are they are not invested in it like you are. Communicate your concern, and move on if you don’t see any improvements.
Here are some non-negotiable qualities you should be bringing to the table, as well as your partner:
- Your opinion/point of view (share it- this is how you learn from one another)
- Affection (don’t be a cold b*tch)
- Happiness (we all have our hormonal problems. But that aside-no one likes a miserable/sad/depressed person. If you are any of those, you need to work on yourself first before getting in a relationship)
- Spontaneous (surprise your guy, be fun, do something different or challenging together. Don’t expect him to do it all- that gets OLLLLLD, faaaaaaast)
- Health/Fitness (taking care of your body shows you care about your health, which gives him less of a chance of being lazy with his health. Plus, you both get to look great together & live longer)
- Motivation/Drive (there’s nothing sexier than someone who is motivated and driven. Set goals, and go get them!)
- Independent (you make your own money, you live your own life. You will survive with or without him)
There are many more. But those are pretty big must-haves. And very important for you to give and get from your partner. I hope this helps you keep the spark in YOUR relationship alive 😉 Please share anything you have done or do to keep your relationship fun & exciting. I would love to hear it!
XOX- Until Next Time